Meant to Live
by temporaryinsanity91
Summary: Jude and Tommy make the saddest, happiest, and most challenging journey of their lives. will they make it? just random midnight inspiration i had the other day this story isn't planned or prewritten, i'm just going with the flow
1. Chapter 1

"Tommy, you have to see a doctor."

"Jude, no. It's just a flu. A heaven." He coughed. "forsaken." He coughed again. "flu."

"You have a fever, you've been coughing so much it's a wonder your lungs haven't exploded. You've been like this for two weeks. You get _nosebleeds,_ for sobbing out loud! You know that's not normal. C'mon."

He shook his head. "Nope."

"And why the hell not?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Needles."

She stared at him for a second, totally thrown off by the admission. "Are you serious? _The _Lil' Tommy Q? Afraid of needles?"

He watched her, irritated by her amusement. "Not afraid. Just… I hate needles."

She burst out laughing.

"I don't see what's so funny, seeing as how in five months, someone's gonna stick a needle in your spine just so you can have a baby without exploding. See how _un_afraid of needles you'll be then."

She grinned and went to kiss him. "Our. Baby." She pulled back slightly as he turned his head, succumbing to another fit of coughing. "I promise that if they have to stick you, I'll hold your hand."

"How sweet," he muttered sarcastically between coughs. "Still not going."

"Stubborn as an ass," she told him. "No pun intended."

He chuckled, which turned into more coughing. When he recovered, he told her, "Bad joke, Harrison."

She handed him a mug of one of those TheraFlu teas. "Don't complain about the taste or so help me God, I'll knock you out and drag you to the hospital where they'll promptly fit you with an IV."

He shook his head. "That's cruel, babe." He took a sip and made a face, but he didn't say anything.

"Better not," she muttered under her breath as she turned back to her dishes.

He watched her in amusement. "Or what?" he was rewarded with a slew of cold water in his face. "Jude! What the hell?"

"Drink your tea, damn it."

He frowned. "Tyrant."

She grinned. "You bet."

**xXXxXxX****XXxXX****xXxxx****xX****XxxxXX****XXXx****XXxxx****xXX****X**

Jude woke up in the middle of the night with the sudden urge to pee. _My pregnancy and I have a love/hate relationship,_ she thought bitterly as she untangled herself from Tommy's arm. _He's burning up. I better wake him up so he can take some more medicine or else he'll cook himself._ She hurried to the bathroom and when she was done, she went to shake him awake. "Tommy. Baby, wake up, you've got to take something for that—Tommy?" She panicked when she heard silence. He was unusually still, seeing as how he usually tossed and turned a lot in his sleep when he was sick. "Tommy Q. Come on, baby, wake up." She reached up to turn his face and brought her hand back as if she had been burned. She studied her hand and saw the blood glinting in the moonlight that shone through the window. She ran for the light, and flipping it on, she gasped. "Oh my God." His nose had been bleeding again, and it had spread all over his face and seeped into his pillow. She started to cry. "Tommy, please… please just wake up…"

**xX****Xx****XxX****XXxXX****xXxxx****xX****XxxxXX****XXXx****XXxxx****xXX****X**

"Jude! What happened?" Kwest burst into the emergency room and, upon seeing her, practically pounced on her, cupping her face in his hands, then holding her at arm's length in order to examine her. "Are you ok? The baby--?"

"We're fine, it's Tommy."

"What happened?"

She shook her head and he noticed how ghostly pale she was. "I don't know… he wouldn't wake up."

Kwest frowned. "When can you see him?"

At that moment, a young doctor with black hair and kind eyes called out Tommy's name, and Jude jumped to her feet. "Is he ok? What happened?"

"We have his fever under control, and we got his nose to stop bleeding. He's regained consciousness and has been asking for 'his Jude' for the past fifteen minutes."

Jude got angry. "Why didn't anyone get me sooner, damnit?! Where is he?"

The doctor saw the fire in her eyes and recoiled slightly. "Right… uh, right this way."

They followed the doctor through the mess of halls, nurses, and equipment until they finally walked into the small room.

Tommy wearily turned his head and his tired eyes brightened when he saw her. "My Jude. Hi, my Jude."

She rushed over to him and climbed into bed with him, not caring what Kwest and the doctor said. "Hi baby," she breathed.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck and pulled her close to him, wincing as he bent the arm with the IV. "You promised no needles," he mumbled into her hair, and she chuckled lightly.

"I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you too."

"Miss Harrison?" She and Tommy turned from their position to see the doctor dismissing another doctor. Both of their expressions were grim and devoid of any good news.

"Do you know what's wrong with me now?" asked Tommy weakly.

The doctor nodded, her eyes darkening. "There's uh… no easy way to say this…"

Jude glared at her. "Out with it!"

"Mr. Dutois, you-- you have leukemia."


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy's eyes bugged out of his head. "W-what?"

Kwest suddenly found that his heart was somewhere around his feet. "What can be done?" he asked quietly, immediately reaching for Jude.

"Well, we'll transfer you to the oncology ward tomorrow morning where you'll start chemotherapy and radiation. Right now we're just keeping you from cooking yourself."

"Does it have to be _tomorrow?"_

"Frankly, Mr. Dutois, if you don't, you'll die."

He gulped, his mouth forming a small 'oh' that he didn't have the voice to actually say.

Jude stood. "I have to go…" She bolted before either of them could stop her. She jumped in the car and sped to the rehearsal space, tears pouring out of her eyes. She took the guitar that Tommy had gotten her for her 19th birthday and, hooking it up to the amplifier, she started to strum loudly as she always did when she was angry. Eventually, her chords would start making sense and a song would be born.

Not the case this time, however, because after strumming angrily at her guitar for hours, she still had nothing. She went and sat at the piano instead, her hands running gently over the keys. sad chords filled the air as inspiration finally hit her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hi."

"Hi, Dr. Covington."

"You ready?"

Tommy glanced nervously at the doctor, then at the vial in the nurse's hand. "Will it… hurt?"

She smiled sympathetically at him. "No, sweetie. This will go into your IV."

"No needles?"

She chuckled. "No."

Tommy chose to look out the window instead of watching them inject him with God-knows-what, wondering when Jude would come back. He was worried about her. And the baby. And—

"All set."

He nodded up at the doctor. "Thanks, Doc."

"No problem."

Several hours later, Kwest walked in with Speiderman. "Hello?"

Speid heard the retching in the bathroom first. "Dude, Squinty's not okay."

Kwest pushed open the door to the bathroom. "Tom? How long have you been like this, man? Speid, get a nurse."

Speid nodded and dashed off.

Tommy looked up miserably. "Oh man. I don't know. Just… I need Jude."

"I know, man. She'll be around."

"No--" he upchucked miserably into the toilet again. "Now. Please. Just get her now." He continued praying to his porcelain god and Kwest looked on helplessly until the nurse came in.

"Tommy? Honey, we have to get you into bed, okay?"

"Jude?" Kwest frowned at the tone of his voice; he was obviously losing it.

"Nah, man. It's the nurse. Jude is coming, okay?"

"Please… I just need my Jude…" his week protests continued as Kwest and the nurse hauled him back to bed.

The nurse brought a bucket for him. "Just use that, okay? Stay in bed."

He looked up at her, noting how his vision was fading. "My Jude…" he said deliriously as he faded into blackness.

The nurse ran for help, and Kwest ran for his car. He needed to find Jude. Now.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

When she had finished her song, she played it again and then she set her guitar aside and curled up on the couch, falling fast asleep.

Later on, Speiderman walked briskly toward the rehearsal space. Opening the door, he paused."Jude?" He walked into the room quietly, as not to spook her if she _was_ the. He turned to the couch, sighing sadly as he saw her in a fetal position on the couch. She'd been through a lot since she refused the offer in London. He parents and Sadie hated her, she'd been booted from her house upon finding out that she was pregnant, there was the horrible SME tour bus accident in which he, Kyle and Wally were severely injured. Now this. All in a year's work.

He pushed her hair out of her face. "Jude, sweetie."

"What?" she mumbled.

"You're needed at the hospital. We've been looking for you everywhere."

"What? Why? Is Tommy okay?"

Speid looked away. "Squinty's in a bad way. He's been throwing up since his treatment this morning. He had some kind of episode--"

"Episode?"

"He passed out or had a seizure or something… I don't know, I wasn't there."

"Is he conscious?"

"Yeah. He was begging Kwest to come find you. Crying. And begging. We've been looking for you for hours." Speid was obviously shaken. "I have never seen that man cry before in my life. Not like this."

Jude, now sitting up, instinctively laid a protective hand on her stomach. "He's that bad?"

He nodded, unable to look in her eyes.

Jude's vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. "I shouldn't have left. Oh God--"

"Shh. Shh, don't cry. Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy looked wistfully out the window, watching the cars drive by 6 stories below, hoping he would recognize hers. She'd been gone for several days, preparing for the baby with Kwest, going to several press conferences about his condition, and probably taking the time to get used to the idea of him being deathly ill.

"I won't be there." He stated it aloud, blinking as it hit him like a ton of bricks why she was so sensitive about it and why she was taking so long. He couldn't go to her appointment today. The one where they would find out the gender of the baby (they had been trying for several weeks, but the baby was being… decent). He wouldn't be there when it was born, he wouldn't get to cut the cord or feel it kicking inside of her anymore, he wouldn't get to go on craving runs or let her crush his hands to pieces when she was in labor… hell, he might not even get to raise—

"NO." He shook his head violently, trying to dispel the terrifying thought. He was determined to make it through this, _alive_, and marry Jude and raise his family, damnit. He would survive the needles and losing his hair and being trapped in this horrible, colorless place until kingdom come without a guitar and—

"Tommy Q."

He saw her and broke down. "Jude! Oh God, what am I going to do?! I wanna be with you and my baby! What if I… don't make it?" he whispered the last part, afraid to even say it aloud.

"You're panicking."

"The hell I'm panicking! Our baby will be born and I won't be there. I'll be stuck here while our baby grows inside of you and when it's born and--" his voice cracked. "I might not even get to raise my own baby."

She shook her head. "In your future panic attacks, you should refer to 'it' as a 'he' and damnit, you will be there."

A tiny smile graced his face, then it spread into a grin. "It's a boy?"

She bit her lip and nodded, his contagious smile catching on. "Mm-hmm. We have a baby boy."

He reached over and touched her belly. "What's his name?"

She grinned. "Tommy. Quincy. Junior. Or maybe it can be Tommy II…"

He shook his head. "Absolutely not. I don't want our kid to wind up like me."

She gently turned his face, forcing him to look in her eyes. "Tommy, if our baby becomes half the man you are right now, in this moment, I'll be proud."

He reached up and pulled her forehead to him, resting his forehead on hers and smiling as he looked into her clear blue eyes and saw the love and the truth in them. "I love you," he whispered.

She kissed his forehead. "Love you too. How are you, baby? How do you feel?"

"Tired. I've been throwing up a lot lately, because of the chemo. They're fussing over me a lot because of that time I passed out because I was dehydrated. They have nurses in here every five minutes like clockwork when I get like that. But right now, I'm just… exhausted. And happy to see you."

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry. I should have been here…"

"Don't do that!" he snapped. He softened. "Don't be like me and guilt-trip yourself, you'll never be able to live with yourself. This situation isn't anyone's fault, okay? I understand that you've been busy lately, and I understand why you took off that day. You needed time to let it sink in and compose yourself. It's okay."

She was shaking with silent sobs that threatened to overtake her. "Really?"

"Of course. C'mere, baby, lay with me." He pulled her to him and soothed her while she cried.

After she had calmed down, she looked up at him. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

He sighed and pulled her back to him, holding her tight. "Me too, baby. I'm scared too."


	4. Chapter 4

Kwest smiled sympathetically when he saw Tommy fidgeting with his Blue Jays hat. "I bet you miss it, huh?"

Tommy grinned, deciding to make this a lighthearted conversation. "Yeah, I can just hear my hair gel calling my name…'Quincy, please use me'…"

Kwest chuckled. "I guess then, other than Dr. Covington, I should introduce you to the resident doctor in the psych ward."

Dr. Covington came in as if on cue. "What was that now?"

Kwest grinned. "Tom says he hears voices."

"Hey!" he protested indignantly, "That is not what I said. I said I miss my hair--"

"—gel," put in Jude from the doorway. She was very, _very_ pregnant now and she walked a little bit more slowly, but just as confidently as she made her way across the room. She removed Tommy's hat, kissed the top of his head, and put his hat back.

He adjusted his hat and grinned up at her. "Exactly. Hi, Girl."

She smiled and pulled him close to her. "How are you, baby?"

He pouted. "Kwest is making fun of my hair," he whined like a four-year-old.

"Or lack thereof," countered Kwest with a snicker.

Suddenly Jude got angry. "Stop talking about him like that! He's sick, Kwest; you'll make him feel bad. You know his hair was like his pride and joy and then you go and make fun of him for being bald?! What the hell is your problem?!"

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "I was only trying to make him feel better."

Jude stood defiantly. "Well you're making him feel worse."

Tommy waved weakly, trying to get their attention. "Guys? Hey! Jude, babe? Kwest? Guys! Hellooo?"

They stopped bickering and looked down at him. "What?"

"I'm here, you know, you can stop talking about me like I'm not."

Jude sighed. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's okay. Come here." He reached for her and she let herself be pulled next to him.

"I love you," she mumbled into his chest.

He started idly playing with her hair. "Love you too, my Jude."

She felt movement in her belly and removed his hand from her hair and put it instead over her stomach. "Feel."

He blinked back tears. This was the first time he had ever felt his baby kick. "He's kicking," he stated the obvious.

"Nah, he's like his daddy; he punches."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. " First off, you know I'm not that person anymore, and next, even if I could punch you like I want to, I don't currently have strength enough to do any damage."

Jude looked up at him in concern. "Are you tired? We can go--"

"No! You stay."

"Tommy, I…"

"Jude. I want you, not your pity."

She tore herself violently from his grasp and stood. "I was only trying to care."

"Jude--"

_SLAM!_ The door rattled as it slammed shut, and they both just stared blankly at the door before Kwest ran after her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Jude."

"Kwest, not now."

"Jude please."

"I have to go."

"Tommy needs you, Jude."

She snapped to attention. "Is he okay?"

"He's tired and lonely and he misses you."

She turned away.

"Jude, he loves you and he needs you to be there for him, not you." He braced himself for the explosion that was sure to come from that comment, so he was surprised when she collapsed into his arms, sobbing. "What is it, Jude? You can talk to me."

"It's just… he's so sick… he's always… throwing up… Dr. Covington says that the cancer is withstanding the treatment, so they have to maybe up his dosage… he's so sick and pale…"

"Oh Jude."

"I just… it's not like him! He's supposed to be strong! I hate seeing him like this, it hurts."

"I know."

"Dr. Covington says that he went up a stage, from 2 to 3, and the cancer… God, it just won't go away! She says she has to up the dosages. more the throwing up, more the weakness,more torture…"

"Enough. Come on, you need to rest."

She tore her arm from his grasp. "No, I have to see my Tommy. He's probably so tired of me walking out on him always."

"Jude," Kwest called after her, "I know you love Tommy, and I know you want to be strong for him."

She paused with her hand still on the doorknob.

"Jude, maybe he doesn't want you to be strong. Maybe he just wants you to be real."

She turned to look at him. "Thanks, Kwest."

He nodded and she slipped inside. He was sleeping. She gently removed his hat and crawled into bed next to him, pulling him close and settling into his arms. He, in turn, snuggled closer, draping his IV'd arm around her waist. She winced when she saw the redness around the IV and her arm subconsciously drew him closer protectively.

_**Several months before…**_

_For some strange reason, Victoria had come to visit from her new home in Venice. She'd come in and exploded upon seeing Tommy and Jude laughing and talking and kissing over dinner._

_They argued, and in an angry outburst, Jude blurted out that she was pregnant with Tommy's baby. Her mother promptly slapped across the face and called her a whore._

_Tommy had balled his hands up into fists and tucked them into his pockets to keep from actually hitting Victoria himself. "Don't. You. Ever. Touch her. Again. You don't have the right to come bursting into Jude and Sadie's home. You left your daughters here alone for a man, so who's the whore, huh?"_

"_Don't you dare talk to me that way, you little shit, I am her mother…"_

"_You stopped being a mother when you abandoned her, so go to hell."_

"_You first."_

_Carefully wiping her tears from her face, Tommy picked up Jude from the floor where she'd fallen from the force of her mother's hand. He carried her bridal style to the door, making sure Victoria could see the expensive engagement ring Jude proudly sported. "If you touch her again, there will be hell to pay."_

"_I don't want that whore here."_

_Tommy turned and sneered at her. "It's not your house anymore," he said simply. "It's Sadie's. If Sadie should kick her out, I will help her and take care of her, which is more than I can say for you. So unless it's an apology or a respectful conversation, I don't expect you to speak to my Jude. Ever again." Then he took her out to his car, holding her while she cried._

_**End flashback…**_

She watched his even breathing. He'd always protected her. He was always the strong one. Now he was suffering and it was breaking her heart—

"Tommy?" she whispered, snapping out of her reverie as she felt him shift. "Baby? You awake?"

"No," he mumbled in response, turning over and sighing as sleep took over again.

He was back facing her, so she scooted closer and began to gently rub his back. He sighed contentedly again and she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "I love you, Tommy," she whispered, "So much. More than you'll ever know." She looked down at her ring finger, where diamonds caught the afternoon sunlight and reflected it in colors she didn't even know existed. "I will always be here for you, Tommy. Forever. I love you." With that, she snuggled as close to his back as her baby bump would let her and fell asleep.

Tommy, now wide-awake, lay still with tears pouring out of his blue eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, but she was already asleep.

**A/N: a little mushy, but hey. Some minor comic relief comin atcha, stay tuned.**

**ttyl,**

**sazon latino**


	5. Chapter 5

_**A year and some months ago...**_

"_Jude! What? I thought you went to--"_

"_I refused the contract."_

"_What?! Why?"_

"_Quincy, I wasn't going to sign a 4-album contract and leave my music behind. How much sense does that make?"_

"_But you said…"_

"_I know what I said. But I was wrong."_

_He pulled her into his arms and held on like he was dying. "I love you, Jude. Damn it, make up your mind."_

"_I did, Tommy. I did."_

_Realization spread over Tommy's face in a huge grin. He took her hand and dragged her inside, pushing her onto the couch. "Wait here." He disappeared into his bedroom._

"_What are you up to, Tommy Q?" _

_He came back, grinning. "I'm proposing. With a ring this time."_

_**End flashback**_

They were staring at it now. It was a small, diamond encrusted band set in white gold. Amongst all the tiny little diamonds sat a larger princes cut diamond.

"Why princess cut, Tommy."

"Cuz you're a princess."

She grinned. "You're so cheesy."

"Ah, you love it."

"No."

He pouted.

"I love you."

He grinned.

She laughed. "You're an idiot."

"Nope. I'm a musical genius."

She snorted. "You're addicted to licorice."

"I told you I can stop anytime I want." But his protests were futile.

After several minutes, "I miss this."

"Me too, babe."

She looked down at her swollen belly. "Not much of a babe anymore," she grumbled.

"Sure you are. You're a babe _with_ a babe."

"God, you are cheesy." She giggled. "My big cheese."

"Hey! Shut up."

Kwest came in then, and the atmosphere of the room instantly darkened. "Dude, what's wrong with you?"

Tommy echoed her question.

"Sadie… She left me… it's over between us. She… she found out that I've been helping you guys out and she broke up with me."

"What? That bitch!"

"Don't. I loved her."

"Well she doesn't love you, man."

"Tommy… maybe she's upset about your engagement, maybe that's why she's so angry at Jude."

"You're making excuses for her and that's hypocritical."

Tommy nodded in agreement. "Man, if this whole time she was still trying to be with me, then she was never worth the heartbreak."

"Speaks the voice of experience," grumbled Kwest.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"that you've gotten over more women than we can count on all of our fingers and toes together… including the little one."

"While that's true, I've also had the pleasure of feeling like I'll never get over a woman before. I know how you feel."

"I… I'm sorry. I just… she always loved you, man. I should be jealous, but I can't. i… you're my best friend but I loved her… and she loved you…"

Tommy looked on in sympathy while he had a little meltdown. "Kwest, she used you. To get to me. To piss off Jude. If you can love her own sister better than she can, Kwest, she was never worth it. And she doesn't love you, why bother?"

"Because love her."

Jude shook her head. "Kwest, honey, you're hopeless."

He grinned sheepishly.

"I'm an idiot addict and Kwest is hopeless… what is this, guys suck day?"

"Har har." She grinned. "You cheez it."

"Jude!"

She imitated the guy with the deep voice on the commercial, waving her hand across an imaginary banner. "Cheez It: the big cheese."

"Shove it, Babe-with-babe."

"Cheese."

"Babe squared."

She smacked his arm. "Hmph." She crossed her arms and pouted.

Kwest had to laugh. "You guys are just what I need."

Jude and Tommy just grinned.

"Thanks. Really."

"No problem. Look, when I finally get the hell out of here, we are going to go clubbing like the old days. We're going to hook up with a girl."

"We?" Jude raised an eyebrow.

Tommy cleared his throat. "Well, I mean, you can come too, cuz, you know, you're my number one--"

"And only, I hope."

Tommy grinned. "Nope. I've been banging that hot nurse Lacey or Stacey or whatever her name is since the week after I got here."

"Lil' Tommy Q!" she chided playfully, smacking his arm again.

He winced. "Babe. Squared. Please. Don't call me. That name."

Kwest was shaking with silent laughter. "Guys… you're killing me… I'm dying here."

Jude chuckled. "Poor baby. Look, in all seriousness, Tommy's right for once in his life."

"Twice."

"What?"

"I was right about you too."

She blushed.

"Love you, babe. Squared."

"Love you, my big cheese."

Kwest smiled at their little mush moment. "You were saying?"

"Um… Tommy's right."

"As always."

"Tommy shut up!"

Kwest had to laugh again.

"You should just forget about Sadie. She was not worth it. Go for a new girl that will love you back. Another girl that will truly appreciate you for who you are, not who you're friends with."

"Although, offering a girl a Lil' Tommy Q autograph usually gets me pretty far."

Tommy rolled his eyes dramatically. "So that's why you're always ask me for my autograph! Now we're exploiting me? What is the world coming to?"

"Are you done?"

"Oh please. You rant more than I do."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"GUYS!"

They looked over at him and blushed. "Sorry."

Jude grinned. "Don't worry, I'll go clubbing with you."

"No way. Not without me, you don't." He stifled a yawn. "Mm, just don't forget I'm still you're big cheese."

She snuggled close to him. "Of course. I love you."

Sleepily, "Mm hmm."

"You're tired." She stood and grabbed Kwest's hand. "C'mon, let's go clubbing." She went to drag him out, but Tommy caught her arm and pulled her back. She crashed onto his lips and he kissed her hard and fast, leaving her breathless and quite speechless. She sucked her now slightly swollen lower lip into her mouth.

"Lemme do that."

"What--?"

He kissed her softer this time, but just as passionately. If she was breathless before, she needed rescue breathing now.

"No clubbing, okay?"

"Okay," she breathed. "Sleep."

He gave a half-hearted salute and waved them out of the room. Instantly, he fell asleep, his Jude and his new baby filling his sleep, awakening the hope that lay just as dormant as he did.

**A/N: disclaimer: cheez it owners, consider it a free commercial.**

**peace and love,**

**~dez**


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey Jude."

"Hi Speid."

"How are you? You holding up okay?"

"Okay as can be expected. How's your back?"

"Been better. Sometimes I wish the damn driver had stayed awake and that accident never happened. But…"

"What?"

"I saw… I see, a different side of Karma. She isn't self-important and spotlight-hogging and… she really became a woman then. She stopped being superficial. She cared. And she grew. She's… I love her more and more every day. What happened to me, it changed me. It changed her. It changed _us._ For the better. She even learned how to play guitar during my rehab so she could play with me when they were teaching me how to use my hands. Trust me when I say, what doesn't kill _him_ will make _you_ stronger. He grabbed his guitar, starting the quiet tune of "Dare You to Move", then cutting to "Anyone But You" then fading to "Where Does It Hurt?"

Receiving the message, Jude said. "Thanks."

"You'll be okay, Dude. Promise."

Jude nodded and shifted uneasily. "He's kicking. Ohh boy, that's uncomfortable."

"Can I?" He gingerly reached out and put a hand on her stomach. "Wow," he breathed, "It's… amazing."

She smiled softly. "He's like his daddy that way."

He looked up at her. "Oh Jude."

"You and Karma should--"

"We've been trying," he said sheepishly.

"Oh… I'm sorry."

"Like I said."

"I know." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. I'm here for you."

"Me too. I'm here for you too."

"Oh Speid."

"Love you, Dude—er, Jude."

"You too, Vincent. You too."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tommy's stomach lurched and he instinctively covered his mouth._ Where are you, Jude?_ He paged a nurse before making a mad dash for those stupid little buckets they make people throw up in.

"Hey—oh Tommy." She rushed over to him.

"Jude," he croaked, "oh God--"

"Shh," she soothed, rubbing his back gently as he heaved his breakfast into the plastic container. "It's okay, baby, it's okay--"

"No it's not! I'm dying! Jude, I—oh…" he heaved into the bucket and collapsed into Jude's arms, an emotional mess. "What if I don't make it? I can't do this anymore, Jude. This is killing me—and I hate seeing the hurt in your eyes when you look at me."

"Tommy…"

"Darius—he said that my med leave pay is up and… how are we supposed to keep paying for my treatment?"

"Tommy."

"No! Jude, I'm not taking your royalty checks, it's not fair."

"Tommy! Stop it! So what if I have to sell some guitars or fork over a royalty check once in a while? Huh? It's not like we'll go broke."

"So what?! Jude! You have no work! Right now, you aren't under contract, you aren't employed at all. I'm two seconds from losing my own job… you're having a baby and I'm STUCK IN THIS HELL HOLE! I ruined your life. You're so… I can't keep hurting you. You have a baby now."

"Tommy, this is your baby. _Our. Baby._ My life has been invested in yours since we decided we could have this baby. We're in this together, Tommy Q, and I'll never leave you. I love you."

He looked into her eyes, tears spilling from his own. "I love you. Please… don't you leave me too."

"I will never leave you. Ever. You're stuck with me, Tommy Q."

He grinned through his tears. "Oh joy."

She grinned back. "Come on, let's get you into bed."

"No—I'm not done."

"Okay. It's okay, I've got you." She held him there until his misery faded into slumber, then she and the nurses tucked him into bed as gently as they could. Then she curled up next to him. When she woke up, it was dark. "Morning, Tommy Q."

"Sleep, he groaned.

"But baby, it's dinner time."

"NO. Jude, no food. Please, no food."

"You have to try, Tommy."

"Baby, it's a waste of food. It'll only be another offering to the porcelain god."

She giggled. "It's good to know you have that relationship with the toilet."

He opened one eye to glare at her. "Sleep, Jude."

"Only if I can too."

"C'mere, girl."

Twenty minutes later, a nurse peeked her head through the door and grinned. "Leslie!" she hissed. "Lez, come look."

The other nurse came. "Aww, they're so cute."

There were Tommy and Jude, curled into eachother, sound asleep. Jude had snuggled up into Tommy's shoulder with one hand lazily on his chest. Tommy had one arm protectively over her belly and the other was tangled lovingly in her hair. Their breathing was perfectly in sync and they both had tiny, sleepy smiles on their faces.

"He has to make it through this."

"He will. For her, anything."


	7. Chapter 7

"Hi Jenny."

"Hey Kyle." She took his bags and led him to the couch, making him comfortable. "And the only one who's allowed to call me 'Jenny' is my Speidy. To everyone else, it's Karma. Right, Vincent?"

"Of course, Jenny." He walked up behind her and kissed her neck lightly, then her cheek.

Kyle mimicked cracking a whip.

Karma laughed. "A drink?"

"Nah, but thanks. Hi Chi-Chi."

Speid rolled his eyes and took the dog, locking him in the bedroom. "Where's dude?" then he paused as the light bulb came on. "Oh, that's right. No improvement, huh?"

"Nah, dude. I doubt she is coming. She said this morning that Squinty only got worse. They don't know what's wrong with him."

"Poor dude. How about Wally?"

"Yeah, and he's bringing his girl."

"Alright, well, dudes, let's jam!"

"Ahem."

"And Karma."

Half way through teaching Karma a song, Wally burst in. "Dudes! Turn on E! News!"

Speid did. _"Tommy Q's already fragile health takes a turn for the worst as he was given medication he may be allergic to. Doctors say he may not pull through this time around…"_

"Poor dude."

"We should go see them."

"Yeah."

Karma wrapped a comforting arm around her husband. "I'm so sorry, Speidy."

He turned into her embrace, holding her close. "Me too, baby. Me too."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Two weeks later, Jude sat, watching the little line zigzag steadily across the monitor, her breathing on time with the beep that marked his heartbeat. Her Tommy was dying.


	8. Chapter 8

"Jude!"

"Speid." Her voice broke.

"Oh Jude," he sighed, rushing over and taking her in his arms, "We're here for you, Jude."

"Thank you," she whispered through her tears.

Kwest tiptoed in. "I have hot chocolate."

She sniffed. "Thanks." Her hand lingered on his as she reached for the cup and they shared a small smile. "Really, Kwest. Thank you."

He brushed her hair away from her face. "You're my best friend's girl. You're my little sister. You're always, _always_ welcome."

Speid helped her back into her seat. "Um, Wally and Kyle are coming a bit later. Karma went to the gift shop."

Jude had to laugh. "Some things never change, huh?"

"Nope. And knowing the prices of some of the things I know she'll buy, I'm looking foreward to the credit card bill this month."

"Speedy! Oh Jude… Hey, how is everything? Any improvement? I bought this. You'll love it."

A groan. "Karma, be quiet."

Jude virtually jumped across th room to his side. "Tommy! Oh God, you're awake."

"Shh," he insisted. "My head…"

"OH Tommy, it's okay. You just rest, I'll take care of you." She turned to everyone else. "Speid, get a nurse. Kwest, have somebody page the doctor." They jumped to obey. "Karma hit the lights and draw the shades." She turned back to Tommy. "Open your eyes, baby. Please, Tommy, let me see you."

He shook his head slightly. "It hurts my eyes."

"It's okay now, Tommy. Please let me see you."

After a moment, fire blue eyes met hers. "Hi Jude." He reached up and pushed her hair away again. "'ts okay now, my Jude. You don't have to worry anymore," he whispered, his voice hoarse from lack of use as he wiped away her tears.

"Oh baby," she half cried, half whispered, "I'm so happy to see you."

He smiled brightly at her. "Me too, Jude. Me too."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

As Jude's due date grew slowly closer, Tommy's condition got worse and worse. Today, Dr. Covington was giving them a disastrous report. "At this point, the only thing that can help is a bone marrow transplant."

Noting that Tommy didn't feel like talking, Jude turned to the doctor. "How long do we have to find a donor?"

"A month or less."

Her eyes widened. "I know I'm a match, but I'm pregnant. In case you missed it," she added sarcastically. "How are we supposed to find a donor?! I'm not due for a month and 3 weeks."

"Well, you can either donate and risk harming the child, or you can wait."

"We can't wait! We just finished talking about how we can't wait."

"Um… my point exactly."

Tommy gulped.

Jude stared at the doctor. "Excuse me?"

"We cannot wait for you to give birth. Either you deliver, oh Tommy dies."

Tears fell unrestrained from Tommy's eyes as he finally spoke. "We can't… hurt the baby. I… I'm going to die."

**A/N: I don't know wether everything that's happening to Tommy is medically possible… but let's pretend it is, okay? Reviews make me happy inside!**

**ttyl,**

**sazon latino.**


	9. Chapter 9

"Tommy?"

With monumental effort, he turned his head toward her and smiled sadly. A tear pooled at the corner of his eye but he was too weak to wipe it off. "Hi babe." He tried to sound cheerful, he really did, but did it work? Nope.

"Oh Tommy, don't. please don't." she rushed over and kissed his pale cheeks tasting his tears as she went. "Oh Tommy, baby please don't cry…"

"I don't want to die," he whispered, "I want to see my baby." He reached out weakly and rested his and on her belly.

She put one hand over his and the other lay on his cheek. "Tommy… as much as I want to, I can't promise you'll be cured from this. But I can and do promise that you will be okay. No matter what."

He looked up at her then, his normally energetic, electric blue eyes now dull and pale with death. "Will you?"

Tears blurred her vision as she lowered herself into his arms. "I don't know, Tommy. I love you. I always will. For now, that has to be enough."

"I love you."

"Me too, Tommy. I love you too."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I'm worried about Karma."

"Why? What's wrong?"

He sighed and kicked a pebble in his way as he walked. "I don't know… she's not happy anymore. It's not like I can buy her things to make her happy like I used to. You know she's different now. How do i… I mean, what does she need? What do I do?"

"Have you given her your heart?"

"Uh…" he blinked in confusion and waved his left hand in her face. "Yeah."

"That's marriage. You married her."

"On accident, mind you."

Jude looked at him. "That was no accident. You two were meant to be."

"What are you saying?"

"Do you lover her?" Jude arched her eyebrows at him in a pointed look.

"Of course."

She unlocked the car doors and slid in, sticking the key in the ignition as he went around and got in. "Maybe it's time she knew that."

"Huh?"

She pulled away from the curb easily and soon had them headed in the direction of G-Major. "You've never given a reason you married her other than your series of… amusing events."

"She thinks I don't love her?! After everything she's done for me? How could I not?! An even better question, how could she think that?!"

Jude shrugged. "Don't ask me. You're married to her, remember?"

"How do I…"

"All it takes is a simple 'I love you' you know. It's not so bad. You and I both know from experience how short life is and how much we need to make sure everyone knows how much we appreciate them. At the risk of being cheesy or… unmanly… or whatever it is that turns men off from still buying their wives flowers after 10 years of marriage." Suddenly she felt pain rip through her stomach and she slammed on the breaks.

"Jude! What the heck was that?! Are you okay?"

Jude shook her head, panting from the pain that constricted her breathing. "No… I'm… too soon… oh God…"

"JUDE!"

Jude followed his gaze to her left and into the headlights of the oncoming car.


	10. Chapter 10

Jude opened her eyes and saw glaring light everywhere. She groaned.

"Jude, honey? Can you hear me?"

"Unh… Kwest?"

"It's me. Hey… it's good to see you."

She looked down and saw that her baby bump was considerably flat. Her eyes widened. "My baby," she squeaked, alarmed.

"No! Jude, honey, the baby is okay. He's okay. The nurses are taking care of him."

"How long have i…?"

"A little over two hours. Don't move… you'll hurt myself"

"I want to see my baby—_Tommy,_" she breathed, suddenly struggling to get up, "I have to see him, I—oh..." she stopped trying to move as pain coursed through her. She started to cry. "I want Tommy and my baby."

"Jude… when you're a little less sore we'll take you to see Tommy, okay?"

"Okay… what about baby?"

"He was born too early, Jude. He's in NICU for a little bit… they say he's doing well so hopefully it won't be long. He's just underweight."

She relaxed slightly. "So… they're taking good care of him?"

"Yes Jude. I don't think they want to face the wrath of Jude Harrison as momma bear. Do you?"

She shook her head and then she lay back before jumping up again. "I can donate!"

"Huh?"

"The doctor said that Tommy's only chance was by bone marrow transplant and that I had to give birth before I could donate… so then he'd have to be on some stupid list where he'd die waiting… this is perfect! Now Tommy will be okay! Kwest, you have to get Dr. Covington."

He stared in confusion.

"_Now,_ Kwest."

"Okay, okay." He was out the door and down the hall to the elevator as soon as possible. After the slowest ride in the world, he ran down the hall to Tommy's room and almost crashed into Dr. Covington, who was just walking out. "Hey! Wait! Jude… she said she would get tested for that bone marrow transplant."

"What about the baby?" Asked Tommy and the doctor at the same time.

"He's okay. He's safe, the doctor said he's underweight, but he should be breathing and eating okay in two weeks tops... since he was born prema--"

"My baby was born and you didn't even tell me?!"

"I'm sorry! Jude's C-Section ended twenty minutes ago… she just woke up. I knew you'd want to know she was okay, so I waited around."

"And?"

"She's fine. Just a concussion… surprising for someone who got plowed into by a full speed pick up--"

"SHE WHAT?!?!"

Kwest's eyes widened. "Nobody… told you?"

"What… happened…?"

Dr. Covington knew Tommy was two seconds from killing Kwest. "I advised him not to tell you until they knew her condition."

"But…"

"It was for your health. The last thing you need is someone running telling you that the love of your life (who is eight months pregnant with your baby) got crashed into by a speeding pick-up truck… so you promptly keel over and die."

"Kwest over there is gonna get it from me…" Tommy grumbled.

"Hey! I just took the doc's advice--"

"Where is she?"

"Worried to hell about you. That's all you need to know, it's not like you can get up and go see her…"

"Really? Watch me." He made it half way to the wheelchair then gave up. "Or not."

"Didn't think so. Don't worry, when Jude's a bit less sore, the doctor said I can bring her up."

"How long is that going to take?"

"A couple of days."

"Argg."

"I know. But hey! At least you get to see your kid."

"Have you seen him?"

"through the window. He's… perfect."

Tommy smiled sadly. "I want to see him. I swear I can die in peace if I just see my son."

"Tommy, you will. You will, and he's going to be everything you ever dreamed."

His smile turned dreamy and he closed his eyes. "I wanna see Jude with him. We have to name him. So many things…"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hi honey."

Jude looked up. "Dr. Covington! Can I do the donation?"

"Yes, sweetheart, absolutely. You're a match alright, and we're going to get you prepped for that right away."

"Good."

"Now I'm here to go over the procedure with you."

"Will it hurt?"

"As the guy from Snow Dogs says, more than a tickle, but way less than paying your taxes."

Jude laughed.

"You'll actually be numbed up, so you won't feel it up until…"

"Until what?"

"It's a needle. A thick one. And it penetrates the bone to get to the bone marrow. We can't numb your bones."

Jude didn't flinch. "It'll be like breaking a bone."

"I guess you can say that, yeah."

"Well I've broken bones before… in case you missed it… and my Tommy's going to die if I don't. A little pain isn't relevant anyway."

"Jude, you're very brave."

"I have no one left in this world except for Tommy. We made a baby together. I need him. And I'll go through whatever it takes to have him back."


	11. Chapter 11

"Tommy!"

"Jude! Oh babe, I was so worried—wait a second, shouldn't you be released from the hospital by now? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. They just have to make sure that I have no internal injuries, infections from the stitches of the c-section, blah blah blah… they want to be sure I don't go home, keel over, and die."

"Oh. What happened?"

"I don't really remember. I was talking to Speid, then I don't remember much. I think I remember panicking because I thought I was having a contraction. That's what it felt like, at least. Speid yelled, lights out. That's all I remember."

"Oh Jude. You should have let Speid drive."

Jude's shoulders hunched and she looked away. "Not likely."

"Oh and why not?"

"I was… sorta… driving your car."

"Which one?"

"Um…"

"Jude. Which. One."

"It was the Viper," Jude mumbled.

"You totaled the Viper?!"

"Look, I'm sorry."

He motioned her to sit. "Come here." He was obviously upset, and if he wasn't so tired, he would have sounded like someone about to ground their child forever and ever amen.

Jude shuffled over, knowing she was in super epic trouble for crashing his car. "I'm sorry, Tommy."

"You know I love you, don't you?"

She nodded, eyes on her lap.

"And you know that that thing didn't stand a chance against a full sized pick-up, don't you?"

"Tommy, I'll pay--"

"So then you know it's a miracle that the car is the only thing that died."

She looked up, confused. "You aren't angry?"

"I won't fight you over it. I know you feel bad."

"I really am sorry, Tommy."

"I'm glad you're okay, baby."

"You really aren't angry at me?"

"Duh! But… I can get another car. I can't get another Jude."

She smiled happily at him, kissing both his cheeks and his lips. "Aww I love you, Tommy."

He laughed. "You too, babe. You too."


	12. Chapter 12

Tommy was being wheeled down to the second floor to meet Jude. He was extremely nervous. Today, he would see his son for the first time. Call him by a name for the first time. Hold him for the first time. Feed him for the first time. See his eyes for the first time.

He imagined his eyes were going to be just like Jude's, an angelic cerulean mixed with slate. But he prayed that if they were pale blue like his own, and he didn't make it through this, that Jude would have the strength to look into those eyes every day and smile.

He hadn't ever truly prayed before, but as the moment drew closer, he found himself begging God to please, please have mercy, if He was up there, and let him have his family back. His health. His life. Anything at all that would let him be with his Jude and his new baby.

He was pushed up to a glass cradle and a tiny little blue bundle with thick black hair was placed in his arms. Jude, who was standing next to him, watched silently as Tommy held his son in his arms, tears pouring down his face. "Oh Jude, he's perfect! He's… so beautiful…" emotion made his voice thick and so low it was barely audible.

Jude smiled. "He's like his daddy that way," she whispered back.

The baby opened his eyes then and looked right up at Tommy, almost questioningly. "Hey buddy," Tommy whispered. "I'm your daddy. And I love you soooooo much." That moment, Tommy looked into his son's eyes and swore that he would survive if he had to crawl out of his own body. He was going to raise his son.

After a silence, "He needs a name."

Tommy looked down at the creature in his arms and back up at Jude, remembering something he'd seen on the internet months before. "Kellan. His name is Kellan Quincy."

"What does it mean?"

"It's Irish, I think. It means, 'son of the bright one', or 'son of the bright headed one'. It reminds me of you."

She smiled lovingly at him. "Kellan Quincy it is, but he needs a middle name."

"What are you thinking, beautiful?"

"Kellan Andrew Quincy."

"Perfect." He looked down at the blue bundle with matching eyes. "Don't you think, baby?" the child gave a tiny smile before drifting back to sleep. Tommy grinned. "I'll take that as a yes."

Jude reached for him and Tommy reluctantly passed him over. She settled into the seat nex to his, lightly kissing the baby's nose. "hi baby," she cooed, rocking him in her arms. "Hello baby Kellan." With that, the baby opened his eyes and reached out to his mother with his little fist. Jude giggled, elated with pure happiness she hadn't felt in a long time. "Tommy look at his little fingers! He's so perfect."

"Yeah," Tommy agreed, putting his arms around her and the baby and reveling in the feeling. He sighed, closing his eyes with contentment. "Perfect."


	13. Chapter 13

After a couple more weeks, Jude was allowed to take baby Kellan home for the first time. Tommy had been slightly disappointed to miss the moment, but held on to the fact that between the transplant and the chemo, the doctors told him his outlook was good; he could be in full remission in a three or four months. Then he could go home with his girl and his baby boy. He could marry Jude. Officially start his family. Go back to producing part time, even. Producing Jude again. Being with Jude again. Making love with Jude again. Looking out the window of his home with his son in his arms and singing to him. Those things kept him holding on and pushing himself harder than ever.

Jude brought Kellan to see his daddy every chance she got. Today found the proud parents feeding their in the private room when Karma shuffled in. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Can I hold him?"

"He's eating."

"Oh."

Tommy studied her. "What's wrong, Karma?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Really?"

"Nothing. Really."

Jude saw the discomfort about her and suddenly understood. "Um, I'm going to get a drink, okay babe?" She handed him Kellan and gave him a peck on the lips, which he greedily accepted, before heading to the door.

"Um, babe?"

"What is it, Quincy?"

"Grab me a ginger ale? My stomach is sort of sour."

"Okay." She eyed him with concern. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay. See ya in a bit."

He watched her disappear before turning to Karma. "Okay, now what's up your butt?"

"Um, I have a song I want you to check."

Tommy chuckled. "In case you missed it, I'm out of commission."

"Please?"

He gave her a look that read, 'Duh! Of course I will' and said, "Give me that!" he scanned the song, making adjustments in his messy all caps print, then handed it back to her with a 'let's talk' face on. "Is this about Speid?"

"Yeah. It's just—I know he really tries. But I just don't feel like he loves me."

"Well you haven't heard him talk about you, according to Jude."

"Well, n-no, but what does he say?"

"How grateful his is for your help and support. How amazing you are. How you kicked that stupid mockery of a producer's shins for, and I quote, 'threatening my Speedy'. How positively lost he is without you."

"But… does he ever say he loves me?"

Tommy shifted Kellan in his arms and motioned her to sit on the bed. "Karma… sometimes guys… can't express what they feel with words. We just don't know how to all the time. We struggle cuz girls have this picture in their heads of this incredible guy with the right lines every time. The truth is, no one in the world will ever measure up to that person they've created in their minds. No one is like that."

"What do I do then?"

"Look, I suck at the cheesy romance thing. I do. Speid does too. Most guys do. So you don't always look at what they say; it's what they do. Back in the day, you were… a very buyable person. So, he'd buy you things he knew would make you happy. He suffered through your little spotlight-hogging phase, he did all of those things. Because he wanted to be with you. Now, you aren't the same. You've changed, and he doesn't know what to do. He's confused. Saying it… isn't his style. He wants to do something. Give him the opportunity. Mention something you like to him, your favorite flower, food… something. Talk to him about how you feel. Let him explain things. I promise you he's going to make it better… and he's going to work hard at those little things so that you know you are loved."

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"It will, Karma. It will."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Kwest looked up from his coffee and paper when he saw a wave of blonde plant herself infront of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I, uh, heard about Jude's baby."

He glared, realizing that he never really loved the person before him. Not the person she had become, anyway. "What do you care?"

She sighed, looking into her lap. "Just wanted to know," she mumbled, "I'm going to go now." She stood, ready to flee the place, but his voice stopped her.

"I loved you, Sadie. I did. But T is my brother. We grew up together, we toured together, we laughed and cried and drank… we did everything together. His heartbreak is my own. His happiness is my own. If you truly loved me, you would never expect me to leave him behind. He needs Jude to be happy, and in every aspect of my life, professional, personal… my success is solely dependent on his. If you can choose to walk away from Jude and Tommy… from your own sister… fine. But I can't. and I won't. no matter how much I love you."

She turned to him, tears in her eyes. "I understand," she said softly, "If that's how you feel, I understand."

Kwest softened. "It's a boy; Kellan Andrew Quincy. Just thought you should know."

She nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, and then she walked away, defeated.


	14. Chapter 14

"What is up with you, man?" Tommy asked after securing his son safely in his arms. "This is the third time you almost drop my kid!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sort of distracted.

Tommy eyed him. "What's distracting you?"

Kwest sighed. "It's nothing."

"It isn't or else you wouldn't have dropped him."

"Would you stop with that? I would never hurt Kellan."

"What's wrong?"

"I just… don't understand."

"Understand what man? I can't unconfuse you if I'm confused too."

"Sadie came to see me yesterday while I was out to lunch yesterday."

"What did she want?"

He scoffed. "See, that's what I don't get," he said angrily. "She wanted to know about the baby."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "What? What did you say?"

"That it wasn't like she cared and that if she could walk away from her own sibling fine but I cannot and will not walk away from you and Jude."

"What did she say?"

He softened just a little bit. "She looked like she was going to cry. She didn't say much, actually. She just said she understood. I told her about the baby and she thanked me and left… just… left…"

"And that confuses you?"

"Normal Sadie would cry you a whole ocean, throw a tantrum…anything. Not just quietly leave. Something happened with Between Jude's parents, Sadie, and Jude. Or else… I don't know. I mean… wouldn't she be different? She quit G-Major after we broke up. Darius had her on a huge promotion, but she just left."

Tommy frowned. "You're right; I know D was paying her big money. It's strange that she just took off."

"Tommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me you won't tell Jude anything until I know what's going on."

Tommy looked away. What a mess.

"T! Swear to me."

"Kwest, I—I can't promise you that. Lies and secrets have gotten between Jude and me for so long… if she asks, I won't keep it from her. I can't. we can't be fighting over things like that anymore; we have a child now."

Kwest sighed. "You're right, I know, I just don't want her to be angry."

"She wouldn't be angry if you told her what you knew. _Everything._"

"Well I don't know enough."

"I don't care! Sadie made her bed, damn it , and made us sleep in it. What she did to us wasn't fair. Whatever she's going through now is of consequence, so forgive me for not caring. It isn't my problem, it won't be Jude's problem, and it sure as hell shouldn't be yours."

"But what if we can fix it? Doesn't Jude miss her sister? What if we can get to the bottom of it?"

"And just how do you propose we do that exactly? Please, explain it to me."

"We can talk to Sadie about what really happened."

"Man, Sadie's word probably wouldn't be admissible in court! Even if she's saying the truth, how do we prove she is and how do we convince Jude?"

"I don't know, man. I just don't know."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Jude put her son down in the little 'moses' inside her sprawling country home. She and Tommy had bought it when they found out about her pregnancy. It had a lovely view of a field that led up to the woods where the sunset shone throught the pines. there was even a small stream that luuled her to sleep at night. She had wanted the house for the views and the property, and of course, the stable. Tommy, however, insisted that their child would be better raised in the country than in the city which he knew to be full of strange things that could destroy their child's life like it had ruined his own. Jude thought he wasw right in a sense but was being a bit absurd, but agreed just the same.

So, they had set out to find a new home close enough to the studio but far enough from the perceived danger of the city. This was the perfect place. It had a small pool, a stable, and acres of land stretching in every direction, six huge bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, and a different painting in the window every morning.

Naturally, two of those bedrooms had been converted into a full sized studio and band room in which she now stood. Guitars lined two of the walls and Tommy's baby grand stood in the corner. There was a bookcase that lined another wall, filled with music, Jude's dad' records which he'd given her as a going-to-London present, and Jude and Tommy's leather-bound journals-- all thirty-six of them. The other wall held a fireplace whose mantle was decorated with their gold and platinum albums: the ones they sang on and the ones they produced, which over the five and a half years they had worked together amounted to alot. The walls were painted a deep, comfortable burnt orange/brown color and there were comfy couches that made it the perfect place to let the music flow freely from your heart.

She wandered to the 'guitar wall' and picked out Tommy's new Gibson. Tuning it, she grabbed her unfilled journal off the shelf and sat down, contemplating the fire. she was in the mood to write, but she didn't know what. She looked through old journals, both hers and Tommy's, for inspiration, but found none. What she did find, however, reduced her to tears:

_Dear Journal, February 15, 08, 9:53 PM_

_I miss Jude so freaking much. i dream about her every night and think about her  
every day. It's been two weeks since she left to London and everyday I check for voicemail,  
email, hell, even snail-mail. Nothing. Doesn't she miss me? maybe she doesn't love me any  
more. Maybe I hurt her too much in Brunswick. I love her so much... but maybe I should jut  
write sbout it, huh?_

_Later,  
TQ._

She looked over to where the song accompanying the entry was:

_Here Without You February 16, 12:43 AM_

_A hundred days have made me older  
since the last time that I saw your pretty face;  
A thousand lives have made me colder,  
and I don't think I can look at this the same...  
All the miles that separate  
disappear now, and I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still with me in my dreams...  
and tonight, Girl, there's only you and me._

_The miles just keep rolling  
as the people even wait to say hello...  
I heard this life was overrated,  
but I hope that it gets better as we go._

_I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still with me in my dreams...  
and tonight, Girl, there's only you and me._

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
it get's hard but t won't take away my love;  
And when the last one falls, and when it's all said and done,  
it get's hard but it won't take away my love  
ohh_

_I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you, baby,  
and I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you, baby,  
but you're still with me in my dreams...  
and tonight, Girl, there's only you and me._

Jude wanted to go to Tommy right now and cry on him and beg for forgiveness. she never meant for him to hurt this bad. it was lucky she decided to come back after only two weeks, or God only knows what would have happened to him. She decided that, instead of writing a song of her own, she would finish composing this one, since it had no music yet, just a few chords he had scribbled in, but not having yet been completed. she tried different sounds and beats, but nothing sounded right. finally, she decided on a sort of arpeggio, but on a guitar. Deciding she liked it, she quickly wrote it on a blank sheet of music and tucked it into his journal along with a note for him. Then she took baby Kellan back to his nursery and rocked him to sleep. She also fell asleep soon after.

She awoke to a light knock at the front door. Sleepily, she set Kellan in his crib and stumbled down the stairs to the door, throwing it open. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I just-- I came to see you.."

"Please leave, Sadie."

"Jude Please! Dad and Victoria made me."

"Did they threaten to disinherit you like they did to me?" Jude scoffed.

"You... have money. You have _Tommy._ You're.... you're going to be fine."

"You have everything that was supposed to be mine: my college fund, my portion of... whatever... all because I knew better than to leave the father of my child."

"Jude..."

"You'll be fine too. Now leave me alone."

"Jude, wait! Please... daddy found out I went to see Kwest--"

"You went to see Kwest?" She ground out.

"I... asked him about you. And the baby."

"Get out."

"Jude, please!"

"Now."

"Jude, please... they found out and they cut me off too. Please," she begged, starting to cry.

Jude watched her sob pathetically, staring at her with merciless icy blue eyes. "I don't believe you. I can never believe you." And she lammed the door in Sadie' face before collapsing against it and sobbing.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: this is the last week to vote for your favorite story by me! The loser goes on hiatus until June. I know, I know, it sucks, but that's the way it has to be until I graduate (GO SENIORS!). anyhoo, just letting you know that the poll will close March 14. Reviews make me happy inside… but you already knew that. It's sort of short, but I hope y'all like it.**

**Enjoy the ride,**

**~TemPoraRY InsAniTY**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Kwest was lost in the newest single by a up and coming band called 'Recognition' when Jude stormed in and slammed the door. He nearly jumped out of his skin. "Jude! Jeez! What the hell?!"

"You spoke to Sadie and didn't tell me?"

If he could get pale, he did. "Jude, I… Uh…"

"Kwest I swear to God that if you lie I will hurt you."

"Jude… I… She wanted to know about the baby. I… told her to go to hell. I… who told you?"

"Sadie. When she showed up at my house."

"I'm sorry, Jude. I told her not to bother you."

"The hell you are! I don't want her near my kid!"

"Jude! Please. I did what I thought was right. I was wrong. I apologize."

Jude sighed, finally calming down. "I just wish you had told me."

"Me too. But… I didn't want to make you upset. Tommy was alread--"

"You told Tommy and not me? Why the hell didn't Tommy tell me?"

"Shh, don't get mad, okay? I asked him not to. I thought it would be better if we got rid of her ourselves. That's all. Okay?"

"Kwest—no more secrets, okay?"

"Promise."

"Good."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I'm sorry miss. Your credit card is not being accepted."

"Oh. Okay. Well… can I give you a check?"

"Sure."

She scribbled out the check and handed it to the woman.

A moment later, "Your check bounced, miss. I'm sorry. You will not be allowed to stay here."

"What?" she whispered, aghast. "B-b-ut… I have nowhere to stay…"

"I'm sorry miss. Have a good day."

She turned and fled from the run-down motel and ran as fast s she could. After wandering around tearfully in the pouring rain for hours, she finally decided what her best bet was. Scrounging around for change, she gathered up enough for bus fare and headed on her way.

Once at her destination, she walked in through the automatic glass door and sat down in one of the chairs, settling in for a long night as reality crashed into her like a plane bound for destruction. She was homeless.


	16. Chapter 16

Jude and Kwest walked out of the emergency room and into the lobby, Kwest with the carrier on his arm. Kellan had run a fever and Jude naturally freaked out. The doctor had prescribed medication for the baby and lots of rest for mom.

Jude was about to explode. She didn't know if she could handle the mixing and mastering of her latest album without Tommy. She was at her wits end; everyone was fussing about her birthday, Tommy's treatment ended in 2 ½ months, and Kellan was wearing her out with his nighttime fussing.

In reality, as much as she was excited about her birthday, she wanted to spend her 21st with Tommy and her baby, just relaxing. However, Darius insisted on a big twenty-first birthday bash. He told her he would reward her well, but she wasn't into it, and she was sure that, when the day came, Kellan wouldn't be either.

It was the eve of her birthday and she was laying securely in Tommy's arms, half asleep with Kellan secured in her arms.

Tommy checked the clock and smiled. _12:00._ "Happy birthday, beautiful."

"Mm," she mumbled sleepily. "I love you."

"And I love you. That's why I bought you something."

"What do you have, Quincy?"

He, now strong enough to move around the room, got up and padded over to the cabinet-like closet in which his wallet and other prized possessions were stored, and pulled out a cardboard box. He handed it to her and took Kellan. "Open it," he grinned.

She opened the box and removed the extensive protective wrapping, and produced a black velvet case. She gasped. "Oh Tommy…" opening it, she suppressed the urge to gasp again. Inside lay a snowflake shaped pendant with a ridiculous amount of the most brilliant diamonds she had ever seen, set in platinum. There were even matching earrings to boot. "Tommy Q!"

"You like?"

"I love."

"It's called _Diamant de Niege_ by Harry Winston."

"H-harry W-w-winston?" She squeaked. "_The_ Harry Winston?"

"Yeah."

"Tommy! B-but… what about your treatment?!"

"D says he's proud of you. He thinks of you like a daughter. He's… paying for my treatments. In full. All of them. For you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He says it's his birthday gift."

"Oh Tommy, I don't… know what to say…"

"Say you'll have fun at the party tomorrow—er, today."

"You want me to wear them?"

"You're a grown up, Harrison. I think you can handle grown up jewelry."

"It's jewelry, Tommy. There's no such thing."

"Whatever. I think we need to sleep." He glanced at the slumbering child in his arms. "I think Kellan agrees." He passed him over to her and took the case, placing it gently back in its cardboard box before putting it back in its place. He settled back into his spot next to her, wrapping his arms around her and their baby. "I love you, Jude."

"I love you too, Tommy Q."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Kwest walked in later that morning, pale as a sheet. "T."

"What?" he hissed, not wanting to wake up Jude.

"I, uh… saw someone in the emergency room and…"

"And what, Kwest."

"It's Sadie. She slept there the whole night apparently."

"What?! Why?"

"Apparently, she has no place to live."

"What?"

"Her parents threw her out, just like she said, Tom. She's homeless."

**A/N: disclaimer— Harry Winston, I totally admire all your beautiful jewelry collections; it's a damn shame I don't own a single one. Tear. Sniffle. Damn. Shame.**

**The pieces featured in this fic can be seen on the harry Winston website. I did the math, and between the earrings and the pendant it's like 78 grand. A lot of dough. And that's without the tax. Tommy reeeeallllllyyyy loves Jude, huh? He blew his entire life's savings on it.**


	17. Announcement

**A/N: the votes are in, and it looks like I will be continuing to post for MTL and pausing Come Out Come Out. Thanks for your votes and Come Out Come out will return the second I have my diploma in my hands, I promise.**

**Don't go anywhere, MTL will return with a new post hopefully this week.**

**Peace and love,**

**~temporary insanity.**


	18. Chapter 17

"Thank you." Jude gave a dazzling smile to the crowd and camera crews as her song drew to a close. This party hadn't turned out to be half as bad. She fingered her necklace, thinking of Tommy. She wished he was here…

Suddenly the cheers intensified and the spotlight shifted to the right. She followed it as it shined on someone being guided onto the stage by another young man. Tears sprang to her eyes as he made his way over to her. "Tommy, what are you doing here?" she whispered joyfully, as more tears spilled from her eyes.

He grinned. "Did you really think I would miss your big 21?" he took the microphone out of her hand and motioned her to sit on the stool being brought by the stagehand. "Hello everyone."

The crowd cheered.

"What are you up to, Tommy Q?" Jude said into the microphone she was handed.

"Don't you think it's been a while since I've sung a beautiful song for a beautiful girl?"

"Oh Tommy…"

"Here's a birthday gift for you girl." He studied the crowd. He saw Kwest struggling to keep Kellan quiet and chuckled. "I think Kellan wants to sing too. Loud and stubborn, just like his mother."

Laughter rippled through the crowd and there were some 'awww's and cooing before the place erupted in cheers again. Once Kellan was quiet, he continued. "I have a song for you," he said softly. "I hope you like it." He took a seat at the piano and began and SME joined in.

_From underneath the trees, we watch the sky  
Confusing stars for satellites  
I never dreamed that you'd be mine  
But here we are, we're here tonight_

Singing Amen, I'm alive  
Singing Amen, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
We'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, I'm alive  
Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies  
Our only light in paradise  
We'll show the world they were wrong  
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I'm alive  
Singing Amen I'm alive  


_  
And as we lie beneath the stars  
We realize how small we are  
If they could love like you and me  
Imagine what the world could be_

If everyone cared and nobody cried  
If everyone loved and nobody lied  
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride  
We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day  
When nobody died  
We'd see the day, we'd see the day  
When nobody died  
We'd see the day when nobody died

The crowd cheered as they shared a passionate kiss. Naturally, Darius came and cut the nice moment short. There was a huge grin on his face. Taking the microphone, he said, "Amazing. It officially has the Darius stamp of approval. You know you're going to have to release that now, right?"

Jude and Tommy just laughed as the crowd cheered their agreement.

Darius continued. "It's really great to see you here, Tom. In honor of you and in honor of our favorite rockstar's birthday, G-Major has decided to donate to and follow up with yearly fundraiser for each of the following: The Cancer Research Foundation of America, St. Jude's Children's research hospital, the Canadian Cancer Society and the newly founded Meant to Live Cancer Campaign. This will benefit underprivileged people and people in poverty with cancer in all forms here in Canada, as well as provide scholarships to survivors and tutors for children hospitalized for terminal illnesses.

Jude and Tommy, we're very proud of you and how strong you are. You're very determined to make it through this difficult ordeal and raise your family. For this, G-Major supports and commends you and honors your hard work and enlightening presence here with us. Big D is proud of you."

A round of standing ovations and applause circled the room. Tommy was overwhelmed. He had planned this surprise for Jude, but now the surprise backfired. His disease was actually going to make a difference to the world. A positive one. He and Jude were the cause of a whole movement of cancer research and treatment. His damaged reputation had tortured him for so long, and now he had his redemption. His outlook on life changed in that moment. He was going to stop thinking about his own betterment and praise, and start focusing on the things that really mattered: his Jude and his family and his new work as a strong advocate and supporter for the charites D was working with.

He thought back to what Pagan told Jude after her little fur disaster. Jude had decided to be a legend. To make herself a role model to her fans and the people who watched her every move.

Now he was going to take a stand too. He would be a legend. Not for his boy band butt-shaking skills or his former life as an egotistical philanderer, but for his work as an amazing producer and his work to make other people's lives better that were in the same situation he was, and also for his love for Jude and his son. He was going to turn around that image of himself and be the man Jude had seen inside him all those years ago. And with all of the support and cheers from the crowd and his Jude to support him and encourage him every step of the way, he knew in that instant that this was his destiny and that he would be able to fulfill it.


	19. Chapter 18

The second Jude was finally released from the stage, Kwest grabbed her and propelled her into studio A.

"Kwest, what's happening, what's going on?"

"Jude, I promised you no more secrets."

"What happened, Kwest?"

"What Sadie told you is true. Your parents forced her to cut contact with us. When she talked to me at lunch, her parents somehow found out and threw her out."

"What?!"

"Yeah! She has nowhere to live, Jude. He told me that they took all her money; she didn't even have enough to book a hotel for a night. I saw her sleeping in the emergency room of Tommy's hospital."

"But…"

"Jude, you have to find her and talk to her. You are all she has left."

"Why didn't she come to me?" whispered Jude tearfully.

Suddenly, the door opened.

Kwest whipped around and instinctively stood in front of Jude. "What are you doing here?" he demanded angrily.


	20. Chapter 19

"I came to wish Jude a happy birthday."

"You bastard! You disowned her, left her alone when she needed you most! Then you threw out her only other lifeline for contacting her."

"It wasn't her," he shouted, "It's that manwhore she's decided to marry! She had a baby with him! Don't you understand?! He could drop her like last week's fashion and not even say goodbye! How many times has he done it before?"

"So that gives you the right to drop her yourself?"

"Kwest--"

"No, Jude. I can't let him talk about you and Tommy like that!"

"I can talk however the damn hell I want."

"Not if you know what's good for your daughter like you say you do."

"What the hell does that mean?!"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Well, Kellan, it looks like you're tired and cranky from all this partying. Let's find your mommy, okay?" The crying child calmed slightly at the mention of mommy. "Yeah, I get it, I'm missing her too a little. Let's go find her so she can feed you and get us out of here, okay, little man?" Tommy smiled at the baby in his arms. He was exhausted and just wanted to go back to bed and sleep. He knew Jude was just as tired.

He wandered around, asking the occasional person if they had seen her, until someone said they had seen her go into studio A with Kwest and another man.

As he neared the studio arguing could be heard coming from inside the studio. Concerned, he slipped in, unnoticed by everyone else. What he saw astonished him.

"A good father would never abandon his daughter for her… _perceived_ mistakes!"

"And a good daughter would never choose Mr. AIDS-with-legs over her own family."

"AND A GOOD FATHER WOULD NEVER MAKE HIS DAUGHTER CHOOSE BETWEEN TAKING THE LIFE OF HER CHILD OVER HER FATHER'S REPUTATION!!"

"STOP!" Jude screamed at the top of her longs, tears streaming down her face. "I get that you hate me, daddy. Please… just leave me alone."

"I just want you to leave that… _thing_… and come home."

Tommy saw red. "That thing happens to be the father of her child. The fact that you want her child to be fatherless says a lot more about you than it does about me."

Jude looked up and gasped. "Tommy… I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be, Jude. It's not your fault. It's his. Because he thinks he can come in here all high and mighty when the truth is, he's the one who abandoned you."

"You have no right to talk about me that way."

"When you destroyed your family over a stupid love affair, who was her crying shoulder?! Huh? _Me._ When you threw her out and abandoned her, completely disinheriting her and leaving your PREGNANT daughter on the street, who was there to pick up the pieces?! _Me."_ He handed the baby off to Kwest and got in Stuart's face. "Face it. This _thing_ standing in front of you has been a better man to her than you have ever been."

Stuart stepped back.

"Get out," he hissed. "Get out and leave _my_ family alone. Don't you ever come near _My Jude_ again." He stepped forward, not caring that Stuart had backed into the wall and thus invading his personal space. "And If I find out that Sadie has a single scratch on her because of you, you're going to be in deep, deep crap. Are we clear?" without waiting for an answer, "Good. Kwest call security to escort him to his car."

He turned to Jude, his seething anger instantly disappearing. "Come on, Girl. Let's get out of here, okay?"

She sniffed and nodded, taking Kellan from Kwest and following him out the door.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The entire ride back to the hospital was silent. Kwest had agreed to take Kellan and stay home with him so they could have some time to process what had just happened.

When they finally got there, the nurses got Tommy settled back in and Jude curled up next to him, snuggling into his arms. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"You're still angry, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I can't believe he insulted you… us… that way."

"I'm sorry, Tommy."

"It's not your fault, Girl. I love you."

"I love you too." Skipping a beat, "Tommy?"

"Yeah Girl."

"Thanks for sticking up for me."

"I'm always in your corner, Girl. And I will always stick up for us."


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: okay, so it's been a little bit, but that just means you'll review more… right?**

**This was sort of a bridge chapter so ya'll would know what issues I'll be dealing with next. Remember, I'm winging this story completely, so don't be surprised if I add more issues and make it, to quote somebody famous, "obsessively long" (direct quote from my ff homegirl, think pink).**

**Anyhoo, more comin atcha soon! There's only three things I require: read, review, and enjoy!**

**Peace and love,**

**temporary insanity**

**

* * *

**

Karma burst into Tommy's room, causing him to jump awake. "Jude? Baby are you—Karma? What's wrong? Why are you crying that way?"

"Speid… he… doesn't!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"I tried what you said, Tommy. It didn't work."

"What happened?" he asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"We fought and I said… stuff… and now he's gone! He won't call, he won't answer my texts, he's never coming back and it's my fault!!" She broke down sobbing.

"Hey, now. Hey, don't cry. He loves you. He'll be back." He motioned her closer and she buried her face in his chest as he rubbed her back comfortingly. That was how Jude found them an hour later.

_What happened?_ She mouthed to Tommy.

_Have you talked to Speiderman?_

She shook her head.

_They fought and he ran._

_Oh. Crap._

_Yeah._

Jude sighed. "I guess I better find him."

"Yeah." After a moment, "What'd you do with Kellan?"

"Kwest is looking after him today. I needed a break, and apparently, you did too."

"It's that obvious?"

"How sound asleep were you when she came?"

"I was out cold."

"I'm sorry," Karma mumbled from his shirt.

"It's okay. I'm glad you came to us."

"Well maybe I should let you rest. I have to text him again."

"Actually," Jude said, "Let him cool off. He's probably more pissed than hurt and you're probably just annoying him."

"Gee, thanks."

"Call tomorrow. He'll answer."

Karma sniffed. "I used to know a lot about men."

Jude chuckled. "No, you used to know about what you could get from them."

"True."

"Come on, I'll buy you coffee."

She sniffed. "Actually, I'll just go home."

"Okay."

When she was gone, he turned to Jude. "Remember when that was us?" Jude got a thoughtful look on her which Tommy recognized. "Sing it for me, Girl."

_I tried to change  
Tried everything  
Like headlights in the rain  
Drifting back again _

_Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us_

_The stars divide  
Our worlds collide  
Surrounded like the air  
You were with me everywhere_

_Somewhere out there lying in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us_

_There was a time for reason  
A place for every season  
Times I couldn't run away from you  
I can't believe it's mourning  
I can't believe it's pouring  
Should I leave you here and walk away?_

_I want to change  
Try everything  
I wanted you so bad  
It nearly drove me mad_

_Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember that was us_

_Better now than never  
Better late than forever  
I never meant to waste your time  
It doesn't seem to matter  
Maybe nothing every really matters  
Long enough to break it all away_

_Somewhere out there gathered in the dust  
Sometimes I can't remember  
Sometimes I can't remember  
I can't remember that was us_

"Do you really feel that way?"

"I used to. Bet Karma does now."

Tommy sighed. "I'm glad we're past that now."

"Me too. I don't worry about leaving you or your leaving me."

"Yeah. We haven't lost our fire, just the burns that come with it."

"Well said."

"I love you, Girl."

"Love you back, Quincy."

He grinned. "Too bad all that fire is fryin Sparma up pretty bad, huh?"

She burst out laughing.

"What?"

"_Sparma_?"

He laughed too. Infact, when Sadie walked timidly into the room, they were laughing so hard that they never noticed her entry… or exit.


	22. Chapter 21

"Hey babe."

Tommy grinned happily as his two favorite people in the whole world entered his room. Jude leaned over and pecked his forehead as she passed him Kellan. "Hey! Come back." He caught her and brought her close for a steamy kiss. "Much better. Nice to know you still got it, Harrison."

"Right back atcha, Quincy," she laughed.

They settled into their teasing and banter, flirting like it was in the old days. It was a welcome relief for Tommy, since they were both so scarred from all of their experiences together and apart that the light atmosphere in the room was a happy change of pace.

Someone cleared their throat.

Jude jumped, instantly removing her head from its resting spot on Tommy's forehead. "Sadie."

"Jude. I… I'm sorry," she ended in a whisper.

Jude's eyes filled with tears. "Where have you been?"

Sadie shrugged, crying silently but otherwise indifferent. "Around."

"I worried about you. I… I'm sorry too. I should have believed you." Jude rushed over to her sister and hugged her tightly, starting to cry too.

Tommy looked on apprehensively. Girls crying had always made him uncomfortable. _Jude_ crying always made him worry. Kwest appeared in the doorway and Tommy wanted to shush him. However, Kwest's eyes were for Sadie so he paid no attention. "Sadie."

They jumped apart and Sadie just stared. "Kwest… I'm so sorry…" her knees buckled and Kwest rushed forward to catch her, inking to the ground with her in his arms.

Jude fell back and let them have their moment, sitting instead on the edge of Tommy's bed. He eyed her, worried. "You okay?"

Kwest looked intensely into Sadie's eyes for a moment, then she squealed happily, launching herself into his arms.

Jude smiled at the little exchange. Finally things were going to be okay—

"Jude? You alright?"

Jude flashed a happy grin at Tommy. "Yeah. Perfect."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"hold the line… love isn't always on time…." Tommy was humming as he stepped out of the ridiculous hospital shower for the last time. He entered his room and threw on clothes hurriedly... The nurses seeing him naked always made him get uncomfortable. He switched songs. "Don't think that it's over; I know that the world belongs to us… and it's just--"

"Babe? You ready to go?"

Tommy's heart was thumping wildly out of control. He was finally going to get out of here. He was ready to move on with his life. Excitement coursed through his veins as Jude stepped in, baby carriage on hand.

He went to take it from her but she resisted, eyeing him mischievously. "Nuh-uh. You get to drive."

He shrugged. "Okay. Keys?"

"When we get outside."

He looked confused. "Okay…?"

In the elevator, he tried hard to figure out what Jude was planning. Jude's face was blank the entire ride, frustrating his efforts.

They got to the little registration area where Dr. Covington said to go to spring him and receive his final instructions. Jude calmly handled all of it, not still blank as empty printer paper. Tommy waited anxiously for it to be over, checking his watch every five minutes like a little kid.

Finally, Jude chuckled. "Relax. She's gonna come back with some stuff then we can leave."

"Oh fine," he said, resigning himself to waiting, albeit very impatiently.

After ten minutes, they were free to go. Tommy bounded outside ahead of her and frowned. "Well… where's the car?"

Jude, face still blank, calmly pulled out the keys and hit the auto-lock button. A shiny, 2009 blackish-green dodge viper SRT10 convertible responded. She tossed Tommy the keys and went to put the baby carriage in the car.

Tommy stared. "Jude?" he asked incredulously.

"Darius says happy early birthday. It's from him," she said coolly.

"No it's not," he argued. "You… oh Jude, you shouldn't have." He took in the glossy dark paint, shiny wheels, and 2-tone interior.

"I didn't. Darius signed off on it. He bought it. This is the first time anyone drives it."

"She's… beautiful… She's really mine?"

"Yup. Now drive, I want to get you home."

"Oh God… oh, okay…" still in shock, Tommy got into the driver's seat. He slid the key into the ignition. A grin slowly spread across his face as he revved the engine. "Jude! I love you to death."

She laughed. "Glad you like it. I told D in passing once that I felt horrible about wrecking your car. He said he'd fix it. I didn't think he'd get you a new one."

"I owe you everything in life."

"Don't exaggerate, Tommy Q."

"I'm serious! This is awesome! Can we drop Kellan off with Sadie and Kwest? I wanna drive 'er the way she's supposed to be driven."

She laughed again. "Oh and how's that?"

He revved the engine again, grinning. "Fast."


	23. epilogue

_Dear Tommy Q,_

_You're a great inspiration to me. I love your new single and Jude's new album. I also love the fact that you took a bad experience and made it an excellent outreach program._

_This is why I'm writing you today. My father died of cancer when I was five years old, leaving my mother, sister, and I behind. I was just accepted to University of Toronto, but I have no money to go there. My mom was just fired from her job and there's nowhere we can go unless I can go to college. Please help me. I have nothing left. I hope Meant to Live Foundation can help us through this._

_Thank you._

_Jessie Allen  
Vancouver, BC_

Tommy stared at his computer, reading the email twice more. He knew what it was like to be without a father. His heart also ached for the young girl who was just a baby when her father died; that would have been his son. He also knew the pain of having a parent incapable of taking care of her children, even though he was sure it was for different reasons. He would call another board meeting next week to discuss what could be done for this girl and people in similar situations. Because she was not a cancer patient herself, she could not qualify for the usual grants given by MTL. But he wanted so badly to help her.

_Dear Jessie:_

_Thank you for your compliments. I'm glad that Jude and I have impacted your life in a positive way… it's what we aim for._

_Meant to Live is going to do everything we can to help you through your difficult situation. However, because you are not a (former) cancer patient yourself, you cannot qualify for the usual grant that we give to students. We wish to develop a different and hopefully better scholarship program for you and people like you. We will send you an application for it as soon as it's done._

_Thank you for supporting us and for supporting MTL._

_Tom Quincy  
Meant to Live Foundation Chairman._

He quickly closed the window and turned off his computer, rushing out the door of his office. If he was late to his appointment, he'd never make it in time for his son's first birthday.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Jude was freaking out. She still had to do the bigger half of the decorations and Sadie said the cake wasn't ready yet. She still had to do the party favors and—

Strong arms wrapped around her and she caught a glimpse of the shiny band that matched her own. She snuggled into the embrace. "Hi Tommy."

"Hey."

"How was your day?"

"Stressful. Finished the quarterly budget for G-Major, finished mixing Milo's single, had an MTL board meeting… it was crazy. Now I have to call another board meeting… anyways, after all that I went to my appointment."

She stiffened. "Well?"

"It's gone, Jude. The cancer is gone. The test was negative."

She felt the relief wash over her in a tidal wave. "Is she sure?"

"Yeah… hey, don't cry. It's over now. Don't cry, Girl. It's okay."

"I know. I just… we can't go through that again."

"Well it's okay. Alright?" He turned her around and made her meet his silky blue gaze. "Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good, now let's get crackin'. We've got work to do."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The party was in full swing. Tommy had locked the garage down, but somehow, a few little kids had managed to make it in there and play around his precious viper… and of course, with something that could ruin his paint job. Jude, afraid of the wrath of a man defending his car, rushed them out before Tommy could notice. She encouraged them instead to go check out the horses.

After four hours of movie watching, cake and ice cream, and children with a sugar rush, Jude finally settled into cleaning the kitchen, glad for the peace and quiet.

"Hey babe."

"Hey." She sighed her exhaustion.

"Kellan's down."

"Good. He had too much sugar today."

"I know. Help?"

"No… although a backrub will be really nice later."

Tommy pushed up his sleeves and started on the kitchen floor anyway. "Did you see Spied?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "Poor guy. They're on the verge of splitting up for good."

"They'll be okay. They love each other."

"He needs to get his head out of his ass. Wounded pride is no reason to ruin an otherwise perfectly good relationship.

Tommy winced.

"Hey. We're past that, remember?"

He nodded and sighed, putting away the mop. Reaching around her, he shut off the running water, took the current plate out of her hand and put it back in the sink. "How about that backrub?"

"Tommy…"

"I'm okay." He headed up the stairs.

"Tommy! Wait."

"I swear."

"I'm sorry, Tommy."

He sighed, whipping around and staring intensely into her eyes. "I'll never be good enough to deserve you, Jude," he whispered. "I thank God for every second I'm with you."

"Oh Tommy…"

"I'm sorry, Jude. For everything I ever did to hurt you. All those times my wounded pride made me leave you too."

"It's past now."

"I promise I'll never leave you again."

She giggled, taking his left hand in hers and boinking him on the head with it before he could react. "I know that silly."

"Oh do you, now?" he reached out to tickle her but he missed. "You better run."

She squealed and took off running. He followed her, skidding on to the still wet kitchen floor and taking her down with him. "Oof," she grunted as she landed on top of him hard.

He grinned. "Gotcha."

She smiled softly, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Every second of every day."

**FIN**


	24. disclaimer, announcements, and teasers

**That concludes my story, Meant to Live. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and special thanks to think pink (again, lol) for getting me rolling again on these last few chapters… they were less hard to write because of her.**

**Because I finished MTL sooner than expected, I can now continue Come out, Come out. Hopefully I can have that one done by summer vaca so I can start on a new one. Also, check out my new three shot in progress, 2AM—a twilight fic.**

_**Now for the usual disclaimer:**_** I do not own the characters of instant star, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, y'all get it. If I owned the show it would still be on. And now at six in the morning on Sundays when no one is going to watch it anyways.**

_**Some other people's fics y'all should check out:**_

**Untimely Betrayal and its sequel in progress, Twisted Revolution by Katnz17**

**Lola by MyPassionateMusician**

**Picking Up the Pieces by starryeyed68**

**Bury Me by monsterchild**

**Don't Stand So Close to Me by bubblebuttsbabe**

**Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen and it sequels by AnAmericanMom**

**His Song and it's sequel by driver picks the music**

**Secrets and the Lies I Told Him and its sequel by thinkpink14148**

**More of my faves on my profile page… check them out(there are tons, so don't be surprised)**

_**Some of my own 1shots I desperately want reviews for:**_

**The Rose**

**Let it Snow**

**The Jude and Tommy Show (even though it's not a 1shot)**

**Blind (I consider it my masterpiece)**

_**Oneliners from the next chapters of Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are:**_

"_What. Did you do. To my daughter?"_

_I wish you could see me now. I wish I could tell you how I'm not who I was._

"_Has anyone heard from Jude?"_

"_ANSWER ME!"_

_It was all that I could do to keep from blaming you…_

"_Someone else was after her."_

"_Tommy, police found the Hummer. Jude… she wasn't in it."_

"_She's missing. They took her."_

"_Now, Victoria, where's the fun in that?"_

"_What do you mean, you lost her?!"_

"_I should kill you right now, you bastard--"_

"_I promise. We are gonna find her and we are gonna bring her home."_


End file.
